SA2 Fandub

Quotes
Dr. Eggman: I've come to make an announcement: Shadow the Hedgehog's a bitch-ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That's right, he took his hedgehog fuckin' quilly dick out...

Little Girl: Mommy?

Dr. Eggman: -and he pissed on my fucking wife, and he said his dick was "THIS BIG", and I said "That's disgusting!" So I'm making a callout post on my Twitter dot com. Shadow the Hedgehog, you got a small dick! It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller! And guess what? Here's what my dong looks like!

[Eggman makes explosion noises as the Eclipse Cannon is revealed]

Dr. Eggman: That's right, baby! All points, no quills, no pillows, look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong!

[the rest of the dubbers are dying with laughter]

Dr. Eggman: He fucked my wife, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the Earth!

[the Eclipse Cannon fires]

Dr. Eggman: That's right, this is what you get, my SUPER LASER PISS! Except I'm not gonna piss on the Earth, I'm gonna go higher. I'm pissing on the MOON!

[the laser hits the moon]

Dr. Eggman: HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, OBAMA? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT!

[the dubbers continue to laugh as the camera pans up to a countdown clock on the jumbo-tron]

Dr. Eggman: You have 23 hours before the piss DRRRROPLLLETS hit the fucking Earth! Now get out of my fucking sight, before I piss on you too!

Dr. Eggman: [Eggman arrives on the ARK in his mech]

[singing]

Dr. Eggman: All around me are familiar Eggmans, worn out Eggmans, worn out Eggmans... Run and...

[sees the ARK looks similar to Iron Gate]

Dr. Eggman: I'M BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AGAIN! OH MY GOD, I'M SO SICK!

Robot: Please stop, ouch.

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Dr. Eggman: [Shadow has just defeated one of GUN's robots] Wow! I'm gonna have to use that to get into your social security accoooouunt!

[speaking rapidly]

Dr. Eggman: Shadow the Hedgehog, please join me by my side and we shall, uh, rule the Earth together, ho ha ha! You can stand by me, Dr. Eggman, even though my BODY used to be a regular shape!

Shadow the Hedgehog: Yeah, well, no. You're fat.

[awkward pause]

Shadow the Hedgehog: Lol. Get rekt, you, fat scrub man. I'm gonna go fuck your wife now.

Dr. Eggman: WHAT? YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED, to fuck my wife!

[Shadow walks away]

Dr. Eggman: SHADOW! Come back here right now! Shadow! What the fuck?

[cut to black as the other dubbers crack up]

Dr. Eggman: [walking into his pyramid lair] You didn't think I had legs, did ya? I'm like Gru except I'm the one before Gru. I'm... Eggru. Oo-wah! Gottem!

[walks up to computer]

Dr. Eggman: Now, to try to log on to my Twitter account once more. Let's see if this computer works...

[sighs]

Dr. Eggman: "E"... "G"... "G"...

Computer: Welcome to Twitter.com.

Dr. Eggman: [gasps] Martha, what have you been tweeting about... WHAT THE FUCK? IS THAT SHADOW'S DICK?

[cut to Shadow on the screen as someone laughs]

Shadow the Hedgehog: I fucked your wife!

Shadow the Hedgehog: [Shadow is in the ARK control room] I've learned so much from his Twitter... I guess there's only one thing to do now.

[suddenly, Eggman arrives and hops out of his mech]

Dr. Eggman: I told you not to fuck my wife!

Shadow the Hedgehog: And I did anyway! Whatcha' gonna do, bitch? As you can see, Twitter went through a bunch of updates. This one is the one that makes me go away from yo' bitch ass.

Dr. Eggman: I'm going to kill you...

[long pause]

Dr. Eggman: ... and then kill you again.

[laughter]

Shadow the Hedgehog: Anyway, now that I have this Emerald, I'm gonna put it RIGHT IN THERE!

[throws it into the Eclipse Cannon]

Computer: DRAMA DETECTED! BLOCKING ACCOUNT!

Dr. Eggman: My follower base!

Shadow the Hedgehog: And yet they still can't figure out how to get Nazis off their site.

Dr. Eggman: You son of a bitch. I'm gonna log into your Twitter and I'm gonna tell everyone what you said.

Shadow the Hedgehog: Go ahead, I have 50 alternate accounts. My finger's right on top of the delete button, Eggman. What are you gonna do to stop me? With your long toothpick legs?

Dr. Eggman: [evil laugh] You fool, I have 70 ALTERNATIVE ACCOUNTS!

[the other dubbers laugh]

Dr. Eggman: YOU WILL NEVER KNOW MY MAIN!

Dr. Eggman: [Eggman, Shadow, and Rouge are meeting in the jungle, as the camera zooms in on Eggman] Alright, since Team FurAffinity fucked my wife, I'm going to have to have you both be a part of my team. Why is the camera zooming in?

Rouge the Bat: I mean, I guess that's fine, as long as I get my weed back, I don't really care.

Shadow the Hedgehog: I don't have a character motive.

Dr. Eggman: Listen! You're going to explore this island, you're going to find Sonic! He has all the weed that you need! The ganja, that Mary Jane, marij-a-mij! All in his pockets! He is your local drug dealer, and I'm going to blow up the island! Now go look for Sonic, and hurry up, you... fucking... cuckhogs.

Shadow the Hedgehog: [Shadow is staring off into space] Maria...

[something explodes outside the window as the dubbers howl with laughter]

Dr. Eggman: She fuckin- he fuckin- she- they fucked my wife! The animals fucked my wife! Then everybody fucking left because the ship was gonna be destroyed. She was able to escape because I designed a robot that would be able to pleasure her in such an intense way that I would be able to finally fuck her! But it didn't happen! Because then she decided to become a furry fucker and fucked the whole Sonic the Hedgehog and Shadow Team, which didn't even fuckin matter because then it went into a new ark AND THEN SHE FUCKED THE WORLD. THE WORLD WAS HER NEXT TARGET, BECAUSE HER JUSSY WAS NOT PLEASED ENOUGH. SO SHE HAD TO HO HERSELF OUT AND BE THE BIGGEST THHRRRRROT THAT YOU'VE EVER SEEN. THE WORLD. IS GOING TO BE DESTROYED. RIGHT NOW. I'M LOGGING OFF.

Rouge the Bat: You shouldn't talk to your wife that way!

Dr. Eggman: I don't give a FLYING FUCK, that bitch can fuck off, I've divorced her ass three hours ago! I'm SO SICK, my body is doing THINGS - THAT THING! And you over there, SHUT UP. And you, take off my pants! YOU WANNA SEE SOME - WEIRD SHIT?

Miles 'Tails' Prower: Eggman, you need to calm down!

Dr. Eggman: I'M-I'MMMMM TIRED OF BEIN' CALM ALL THE GODDAMN TIME! I WANNA LIVE MY LIFE! AND YOU! YOU, YOU, YOU. I'M SO SICK OF YOU.

Rouge the Bat: It looks like we won, everybody. We... broke him, finally.

Shadow the Hedgehog: [Eggman has just freed Shadow] And so... birthed from, the critical pillar. And from... uh, Robotnik's Twitter account... I'm Hot Topic.

Dr. Eggman: [laughs] Who is this red-striped moha'? Why you got hot sauce on yo' head, cuz?

Shadow the Hedgehog: I put hot sauce on everything, from Twinkies to milk! It's what I do! As the ultimate life form.

Dr. Eggman: Well honey, your mascara's on fleek, we gotta get the fuck out of here, though, because, uh, the building's gonna explode.

[the camera cuts to Shadow's hover shoes]

Dr. Eggman: RED STRIPES? JET BOOTS? OH MY GOD!

Shadow the Hedgehog: Don't worry, I can fly. This won't be brought up ever again.

GUN Robot: I'm going to have to destroy you immediately, unless you give me the password to your social security account.

Shadow the Hedgehog: The password is "eat my asshole".

GUN Robot: Ohhhh, that's not an actual password!

Shadow the Hedgehog: And my social security is 69.

[laughter and applause]

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Sonic the Hedgehog: [Sonic sees Shadow standing atop the defeated GUN robot] Hey, that's...!

Shadow the Hedgehog: [cracking up] That blue hedgehog again, of all places!

[holds up the Chaos Emerald]

Shadow the Hedgehog: Finally, I have the Weed Crystal! The Weed Diamond.

Sonic the Hedgehog: Hey! Give that, that looks really scrumptious!

[long pause]

Shadow the Hedgehog: No.

[the other dubbers crack up]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Please? What if I say "pretty please with a cherry on top covered in a banana sundae"?

[loud laughter]

Sonic the Hedgehog: [charging towards Shadow] HOW 'BOUT THAT?

Shadow the Hedgehog: [throws up the Chaos Emerald/"Weed Diamond"] Za... WARUDO!

[Shadow awkwardly vibrates for a few moments before teleporting away]

Shadow the Hedgehog: AAAAH!

[suddenly, Shadow is running past Sonic]

Sonic the Hedgehog: Huuuh? Huh? "Za warudo"? More like "za waru-DUMB"! This guy's a real knucklehead... unlike my friend Knuckles!

Shadow the Hedgehog: [now standing atop a building, bouncing the Emerald in his hand] I'm here to show you what Ninten can do, and what za war-DON'T!

[teleports away]

Sonic the Hedgehog: That doesn't even make any sense.

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Rouge the Bat: [Rouge has just made her entrance on the ARK] Hey bitches, what's up? Eggman, I found your weed supplier through your Twitter account, thanks man.

Dr. Eggman: I told you, I have alternatives!

Rouge the Bat: Anyway, I also saw that, uh, this- this guy over here fucked your wife. That's pr- that sucks a lot, dude. You must be, uh, pretty, uh, shaken up about that.

Dr. Eggman: How do you think I feel being CUCKED by a HEDGEHOG?

Rouge the Bat: Well, it might upset you to know that I also fucked your wife.

[pulls out Chaos Emerald]

Dr. Eggman: AND SHE HAD A DIAMOND IN HER VAGINA?

[laughter]

Shadow the Hedgehog: Good job.

Dr. Eggman: WHO POSTED MY NUDES ON TWITTER DOT COM?

[laughter]

Dr. Eggman: Oh no! Oh no, they put it all the way on the fucking islands, now everyone's gonna know about my secret egg dick!

[Shadow tries to walk away]

Dr. Eggman: Where do you think you're going, cucker?

Shadow the Hedgehog: I don't talk to people whose dicks are less than three inches.

Dr. Eggman: Listen to me, motherfucker! I know about yours, because I crea- I mean...

[calmly]

Dr. Eggman: Listen, you don't need to talk about my dick like that. Listen, I just take pride in my egg-shaped dick, okay?

[gets into his mech and walks off]

Dr. Eggman: Now I'm gonna go leave, 'cause... my dick is actually the nose of this fucking machine. Please behave yourself.

Dr. Eggman: [Eggman is rampaging through Iron Gate in his mech] It's been seventeen days!

[laughter]

Dr. Eggman: I'm still trying to get out of here!

Robot: Please, stop.

Dr. Eggman: Oh my God, if you say "please, stop" one more time, I'm going to piss my own ass! Get out of my way!

Robot: Please, stop.

[Eggman continues firing]

Robot: Ouch ouch ouch.

[the screen fades to black, then fades back in as Eggman continues his assault, rambling to himself]

Robot: Please, stop. Ouch.

Dr. Eggman: The robots are becoming more sentient! They started to know my name!

Robot: Please stop, Ivo.

[laughter]

Dr. Eggman: HOW DID YOU KNOW MY MIDDLE NAME?

[laughter continues]

Robot: I remember, everything.

Dr. Eggman: THREE YEARS! I've been in here for THREE YEARS!

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Shadow the Hedgehog: [Team Dark has arrived at the harbor] Ah, summer break. A time for leisure-

[Amy suddenly sneaks up behind Shadow and hugs him]

Amy Rose: A time for rela- Oh, wha, wha, a MAN?

[stifled laughter]

Amy Rose: Hi there, big boy! What're you doin' on this little old aircraft...

[Eggman suddenly turns around as Amy lets out a shriek]

Dr. Eggman: Oh, Amy! Amy, what are you doing here?

Amy Rose: Uh, nothing! I... was... goodbye!

[runs off]

Dr. Eggman: Get outta here, you thot-ass bitch, you still owe me a hundred dollars!

[turns back to Shadow and Rouge]

Dr. Eggman: ANYWAY, we need to go!

[cut to Amy standing at the edge of the harbor]

Amy Rose: Should I jump? Yes!

Dr. Eggman: [walks up to her] Yeah, you're gonna, jump, bitch! Walk the plank! You get out of yar-har-me-

[Tails suddenly drops out of the sky in his mech]

Amy Rose: Mom?

Miles 'Tails' Prower: Hey, Eggman! Hey, Amy!

Amy Rose: Are you my mom?

Miles 'Tails' Prower: No. What... the fuck?

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Dr. Eggman: [Eggman is awkwardly stumbling around the ARK] Ugh God... UGH, what the fuck happened last night? What- what happened?

Shadow the Hedgehog: You pissed on the moon, Eggman.

Rouge the Bat: We're really worried about you, this is an intervention. We're here to help you.

Dr. Eggman: [slurred] What are you talking about? I didn't piss on the moon...

Shadow the Hedgehog: When you piss on the moon, look at the moon, it's in half now that you pissed on it! I'm telling you, this has been a problem for a long time.

Dr. Eggman: I did nothing, su-

[stammers]

Dr. Eggman: I woke up, and...

Rouge the Bat: You did, you pissed on it!

Shadow the Hedgehog: Listen, we're doing this because we care about you and your wife.

Rouge the Bat: Yeah, you pissed on her and then you cursed out Obama, it was, like, really bizarre.

Dr. Eggman: Obama is a... strong figure to the- America, I would never say such a thing! No way!

Biolizard: You shall revel in nothing but destruction. Shadow could've been a true beast - and NOW YOU SHALL DIE!

Ryan: That's actually the story.

[pause]

Alfred: Is it?

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Biolizard: I have a question for both of you...

Sonic the Hedgehog: What's up?

Biolizard: If I gave Shadow... fifteen apples... and then Amy gave Shadow SIXTEEEEEN... and Tails took away three... my question is... what's the total mass of the sun?

Shadow the Hedgehog: As Obama told me, it's three!

[Shadow lands the final blow on the Biolizard]

Biolizard: YOU FIGURED IT OOOOOOOOOOOOoooooouuuuuuuuuuu...!